You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
