Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
