i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
