2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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