Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
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He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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