using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
