My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
