john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
