Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Everclear isn't food dammit
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
