i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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