hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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