my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
