Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
