Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
