i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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