white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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