he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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