If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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