I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
