i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
