gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
