OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
