once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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