i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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