There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
