his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
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And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
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I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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