Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
