Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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