ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
