Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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