He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
