So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
