There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
