so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
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