I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
