I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
