We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
