Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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