literally had 100 drinks last night.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
