i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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