Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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