I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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