He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
