I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
