I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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