I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize