We won't sleep together?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
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tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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