would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
