oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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