IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just found puke in my bra..
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
