I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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