PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Randomize
