you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
