never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
