I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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