Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
