You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
