Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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