I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
whose parrot is this?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize