I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
