I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
