he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
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