Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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