i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I will pee on everything he values.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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