I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
two words...techno handjob
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We are all done wearing pants today
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
