Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
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Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
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Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have already put on my inside pants.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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