i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
