What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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