apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Small penises have feelings too.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
