i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Your cock deserves a montage
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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