Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
