I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
