I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
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