you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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