i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
